i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
