She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
