Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Randomize
