I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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