I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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