Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
