I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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