I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
