I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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