She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
