What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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