Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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