How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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