Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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