went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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