I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Randomize
