your thong is hanging out like whoa
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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