There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
