Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Randomize
