i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
