seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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