you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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