walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
