High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
