I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
