Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
