new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
