I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
