The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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