my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
