So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
