Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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