how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
