i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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