there was a trapeze. enough said
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
