So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
zippers are such a cool invention
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
