Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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