i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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