she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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