So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
