I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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