i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
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