Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
