Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
