so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
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