I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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