So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Randomize
