i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
