never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
