She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
